The Definitive Guide To Derogatory Auto Acronyms

Acura:

All Customers Undergo Repair Anxiety

Alfa-Romeo:

All Loosely Fitted Accessories Remain On Motorway Enraging Others (via Blue Meanie)

Aston Martin:

Anglophiles Seek To Own, Now Many Are Really Trashy, I Notice

Audi:

Aging, Unfulfilled Dentists' Investment

Attention: User Doesn't Indicate! (via del_ta)

Bentley:

British Excess Needs To Leave Everywhere, Yesterday

BMW:

(for) Bitchy Men, Women

Big Money Wasted (via bearslayer)

Bring Mama's Wallet (via Slave2anMG)

Bugatti:

"Bangin' Underground Gangsta Attitude" Trumps Techy Image

Buick:

Big, Underpowered, Impressing China Keenly (via sisonju)

Bearing Unimpressive I4s, Current as Kennedy (via sisonju)

Cadillac:

Can American Designers Invent Lovely Lines? Apparently, Can't.

Chevrolet:

Cheap Heaps: Expect Very Routine Owner Letdowns, Excessive Trouble

Chrysler:

Can Hear Revs, Yet Sense Little Engine Reaction

Citröen:

Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters (via skinnayyy)

Dacia:

(in Romanian) Daca Ai Cap, Iei Altceva (If you're smart, buy something else) (via ratonbox)

Dodge:

Doddering Old Dudes Get Excited

Ferrari:

Fragile, Expensive Rides Repel All Reasonable Individuals

Fiat:

Fix It Again, Tony*

Ford:

Fix Or Repair Daily*

Found On Road Dead (via Bill Childers)

GMC:

Great, More Crap (via Pure87)

Holden:

Horrible Old Lump of Decrepit Engineering Nonsense (via Jon Etkins)

Honda:

Has Only Normal, Dull Attributes

Horsepower Option Never Did Appear (via Aldairion)

Had One, Never Did Again (via Aldairion)

Hummer:

Huge, Usually Male Member Enlarger Replacement

Hyundai:

Hope You Understand No Dependable Autos Included

Jaguar:

Jerks Are Giving Unasked Advice Regularly

Just Another Gearbox Under Annual Repair (via MurmurSuicidePact)

Jesus! Another Ghastly, Unbelievably Annoying Repair (via Tonylukes)

Jeep:

Just Expect Excessive Problems

Kia:

Korean Idiot's Attempt

Lamborghini:

Less Able Men Buy Only Really Gaudy High-priced Italian Narcissism Implements

Land Rover:

Lame Americans Need Dumb, Really Oversized Vehicles, England Realized

Lexus:

Luxury Equipment Xeroxed, Used Seldom

Lincoln:

Luxury Is Now Cheesy On Latest Navigators

Lotus:

Lightness Out; Tubbiness Ubiquitous, Sadly

Maserati:

Mechanically Adept Souls Expect Repairs All Times, Indefinitely

Maybach:

Mercedes, And Yet Buyers Almost Completely Hypothetical

Mazda:

Mainstream Ads, "Zoom-Zoom" Denote Apathy

Mercedes-Benz:

Mechanical Engineers Regret Choices, Especially Designing Expensive Stuff, But Executives Need Zillions

Mercury:

Massive Engines Run Curiously Underpowered Rolling Yawnbarges (via Cheh Poh'r)

Mini:

Metrosexual Idiots Need Instructions

Mitsubishi:

Mechanics Investigate Trouble, Some Understand, But It's Sure Had It

Morgan:

Merkin-Owning Rich Geezers Are (the) Norm

Nissan:

Nasty Import Styles Seem All Normal

Oldsmobile:

Old Ladies Driving Slowly Making Others Behind Incessantly Late Everyday (viaRedRaider922)

Pagani:

Prissy Aristocrats Gather Accumulated Net Income (via Klic)

Pontiac:

Ponderous, Old, Noisy— These Indicate Attributes, Clearly

Porsche:

Pricks Or Rich Shitheads Can Have ‘Em

Rolls-Royce:

Rich Old Lame Louts Still Run Over Your Childhood Expectations

Saab:

Sadly Absent, Always Broken

Saturn:

Slow And Tasteless: Upgrade Right Now!

Simpletons Attracted To Unconventional Retail Network (via ginsunh)

Scion:

Stupid Children Ignoring Ordinary Notions (via ScottyDsntKnw25)

Sad Cars Inspire Only Nausea

Smart:

Smug Men Are Really Tiny

Subaru:

Shift Up, Because Always Revs Unnecessarily

Suzuki:

Sadly Uninspired Zip Ultimately Kills It

Tesla:

Technology Excesses Seem Lame, Actually

Toyota:

Totally Ordinary Yawn-Optimizing Tedious Autos

Volkswagen:

Very Ordinary Looking Krautwagons Saddled With Apathetic German Engineering Now

Volvo:

Violation Of Law: Vehicular Obesity

Vacuous Owners Love Vehicular Oddities (via misterfrontrow)

A Letter To My First Car

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A Letter To My First Car

We all remember our first car, and although few of us still have it — even fewer of us probably were thoughtful enough to tell that car how we felt about it. But Kelcie Moseley did just that at Thought Catalog. Here's the letter she sent. Write your own in the comments below :

Dear Car,

I have owned you since my junior year of high school, which was a full six years ago. You were everything I wanted — cute, affordable, approved by my mother and, most importantly, you were a car. That's all I really cared about.

But I didn't know you would become such a symbol of the past six years of my life. When we first met, I was a shadow of the girl who drives you now. And now it has come time for us to part ways; time to close that chapter of my life and start anew with one of those young whippersnappers who doesn't yet know how to be as faithful and loyal as you have been. But I can't trade you in tomorrow before telling you a few things.

Thank you for getting me to and from school every day, to a place I hated with people I loved. Thank you for safely transporting them with me wherever we chose to go, and for tolerating our loud music and awful singing. And for believing me when I thought they would all be my friends forever.

Thanks for letting me dance like an idiot when a boy asked me out for the first time, and for letting me cry on your steering wheel when he told me we were better as friends. And I know there was really nothing you could do, but why'd you let me make out with those boys I didn't like who weren't right for me? Couldn't you have given me a hint or something? I guess you offered reflections of me in your mirrors. Maybe I just chose not to see.

For accompanying me on my soul-searching year in California, I can never truly express my gratitude. That year changed my life in more ways than I can count, and if it weren't for you braving Sacramento traffic with me for an hour each day, listening to me sob over getting lost, and bringing me to the job I detested, I wouldn't have found my way to where I am now. You stretched yourself for thousands of miles so I could figure myself out.

In the last few years of our time together, you've watched me change the most. You took me from Sacramento to Idaho, but we both know you took me much further than that. You led me to my career, to lifelong friends, to a person I truly love, and to an organization I will never forget. You brought me to my future, regardless of where it goes from here.

Thank you for never giving up on me. And please know that I am not giving up on you. I just need you to do me this one last favor and let me close out our chapter.

It's been a wild ride.

This article by Kelcie Moseley originally appeared at Thought Catalog on August 9, 2011. You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock/Dudarev Mikhali